'Nope': Remote worker forbidden from working from sick father's house forced to take PTO, then asked to visit client during that PTO

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Aug 23, 2023 12:00 PM EDT

Flexibility is a two-way street, as with anything in any relationship, with concessions made on either side—along with a sprinkling of trust and proven results—providing both parties with an improved situation and the heightened dedication to performance brought about by mutuality. 

Any organization that finds that its workers aren't prepared to "go the extra mile" during periods important to the business probably isn't "going the extra mile" for the workers themselves during times when they really need it. A little consideration, even compassion, from your employer can go a long way when you're dealing with any of the various personal challenges that life brings. Workers who haven't been shown flexibility and trust from their employer will be apprehensive about taking on extra work and trusting their employer because, as most workers are aware, any "temporary" extra work that you're expected to do soon becomes a permanent basic requirement.

This worker was eager to visit their ailing father, who had been battling cancer. Finding themselves low on PTO they were seeking to work from their father's address in order to visit their father and keep up with their work. However, upon requesting permission to do this from their boss, they found their boss refused and insisted that they take their remaining leave for the trip instead. They took the leave and were soon approached by another project manager who asked if they would be willing to visit a client near their dad's house, seeing as they had received little understanding and flexibility from their employer leading up to this, and having already fully paid for their own trip, the worker returned the favor and refused to make the visit, whereas they would have been more than happy to visit the client if their original request had been accepted. 

This meant that their employer would now have to pay to send someone else to make the visit rather than getting the, essentially free, visit they might have otherwise gotten.

See the worker's account of events below, as originally shared with Reddit's r/MaliciousCompliance subreddit community.

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  • 01

    "If they had just let me work from my dad's house (again: I already WFH and dad has good internet) I would have agreed to this quick work."

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  • 02
    Font - r/r/MaliciousCompliance Posted by u/PuzzleheadedCash3125 6 hours ago Nope, can't work, buy a plane ticket and pay for travel. M OC Mild and petty but here goes. Also, throwaway acct. My dad got diagnosed with cancer last year. It's a bad one (cholangiocarcinoma) and by the time he was diagnosed he was stage 4 already and Dr's estimated he's had it for 2 years by then. Shortly after he told me, I went and visited him where he lives (which is a 2 leg flight from where I live, and where our
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  • 03
    Font - Fast forward a year later, I want to go visit him again (he's doing ok with chemo, but we're all expecting any bad event to happen at any point and then things might get complicated and bam, no more dad) so I ask my work if I can just work from my dad's house. I'm low on PTO (I live in the US, where most people get 10 days a year of paid-time-off not counting holidays) and I work from home already so I figured they'd say yes. My manager said no, that I have to take PTO. No real reason giv
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  • 04
    Font - A week before my flight, a project manager (not my manager, someone else) reaches out to me. Turns out we have a client just an hour's drive from where my dad lives, and they need just about 2 hour's worth of work that has to be done on-site. She asked me if I can take a couple of hours to go do that work. I said no, and didn't give her a reason.
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  • 05
    Font - I feel bad for the project manager, and I'm all for that "well, I'm here, might as well do this now to save time/money later" line of thinking, but my manager asked me to not work so I won't. If they had just let me work from my dad's house (again: I already WFH and dad has good internet) I would have agreed to this quick work. Now, my company will have to buy plane tickets and pay for another tech's time and expenses (travel, rental car, hotel, per diem, etc...). 4 hours worth of my time
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  • 06
    Font - EDIT: Lots of people are asking why even ask permission to work from dad's house - I WFH near the office and most of our clients. I still have to go to client sites every now and then, I just don't have to go into the office. I also deal with emergencies (though they're rare) so if an emergency happened and I happened to be 1,000 miles away without telling the rest of my team, it wouldn't look too great for me to say the least.
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  • 07
    Font - Vargen HK 6 hr. ago It's fine to not give a reason, but I think I would have said "I believe this is an inappropriate request of my time while I am on PTO. I already offered to continue working during this trip and that request was declined." Vote Reply Share Puzzleheaded Cash3125 OP. 5 hr. ago You know... I agree, that would have gotten the right cogs spinning and eventually would have resulted
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  • 08
    Font - in me WFH'ing at my dad's place and my manager giving me a half- assed apology. ... I already offered to continue working during this trip and that request was declined." Love this part haha, I'm just not smart enough to have thought of that on the spot. Oh well! ✩ Vote Reply Share
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  • 09
    Font - A-Wise-Cobbler +1.5 hr. ago Man what the fix kind of people does everyone work for. I had an employee whose UNCLE was sick back in India before Covid times and he offered to take PTO. We work in Canada. I was like nah just work from there not a big deal. Told my boss so he'd be aware he didn't even bat an eye. A little empathy goes a long way. Reply Share Vote
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  • 10
    Font - Puzzleheaded Cash3125 OP 5 hr. ago I think it's a USA thing. . I'm not from the US and work culture where I'm originally from is more... nonexistent? Like, it's fairly well understood that people just work for money so they can have a roof over their heads and eat. As for the US, it seems like your professional position is much more ingrained into someone's identity. Because of that, employers can get away with more? I think? Something like that.
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  • 11
    Font - If my wife and I spoke Danish or French we'd move (or at least try to) to Denmark or France, where they get a toooon of PTO a year haha. Reply Share Vote
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  • 12
    Font - +3.4 hr. ago I doubt it's called PTO in Denmark or France, I think it's just "yearly vacation days" or somesuch. Petskin I know that even if I barely have set my foot into the office since the beginning of the pandemic, I will never get clearance to work from another country. Our IT security is too robust/idiotic to allow it, and the job actually pays extra costs to be able to block our phones from working abroad. Information security, you know.
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  • 13
    Font - First I thought your company must be thinking along same lines, until you said that there was work to do locally there. So it cannot be that.. or can it? Reply Share Vote Puzzleheaded Cash3125 OP. 4 hr. ago First I thought your company must be thinking along same lines, until you said that there was work to do locally there. So it cannot be that.. or can it? No. I was going to that client site to do some follow up work, so we've worked there before.
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  • 14
    Font - It's another state, so no IT security issues there, and we use our personal phones for work (... I know) so they can't really block our personal phones. Vote Reply Share
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  • 15
    Font - performanceclause 5 hr. ago for anyone else in this situation, when my son's company said no, he bought a green screen and projected a picture of the background in his home onto it. So he was still working from home as they wanted him to. Reply Share Vote ●●●
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  • 16
    Font - yankdevil 4 hr. ago "I'm sorry but my manager has stated I'm not allowed to work for the company while I'm in that jurisdiction. They never stated why however so maybe you should ask them if something might have changed." Reply Share Vote ●●● Puzzleheaded Cash3125 OP 4 hr. ago Yeah, someone else mentioned something similar. I just wasn't smart enough to think of that on the spot. Vote Reply Share
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  • 17
    Font - Cale everellie 6 hr. ago I think you're shortsighted. You could have sent them the bill for your flight there and back, expensed them for the travel time from home to site etc. You could have gotten YOUR travel expenses reimbursed, and maybe also you could have gotten your manager to agree to WFH status for you at this new location. It's all about leverage. You just had it. Maybe you can get it back. Go to them with a proposal in writing with what you will do, etc., and how much money it
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  • 18
    Font - Puzzleheaded Cash3125 OP. 6 hr. ago You could have sent them the bill for your flight there and back, expensed them for the travel time from home to site etc. You could have gotten YOUR travel expenses reimbursed... 100% but, as lame as this sounds: it's not about the money for me. and maybe also you could have gotten your manager to agree to WFH status for you at this new location. Doubt it. I WFH, but I do go to sites frequently, I just don't need to go into the office, so I do need to
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  • 19
    Font - Maybe you can get it back. You're right, but I don't intend to work for them for much longer (not due to this incident... other incidents). Vote Reply Share
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  • 20
    Font - mattblack77 · 6 hr. ago That's all for nothing unless they know about it tho....and you're keeping this info to yourself? Vote Reply Share Puzzleheaded Cash3125 OP. 6 hr. ago I am for now. Not going to show how petty/vindictive I can be while I'm still working for them. I've been looking for a job elsewhere so maybe I'll mention it on my exit interview.
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  • 21
    Font - Regardless of whether I mention this or not, I think they will get the message if they haven't already. I'm actually known to be a flexible tech... I currently work for one dept but I've worked every dept here so I can do almost any technical work they throw at me. Every now and then some other dept will ask me to do some work for them when they're really busy or if I happen to be in a convenient position to do said work. I rarely say "no" and, when I do, I always give a reason (it's usua
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  • 22
    Font - Stabbmaster 6 hr. ago If you don't tell them that you're there, how is this going to have any long- term impact? You could have also stated to that project manager that your manager already denied you working at that location, so unless they are willing to comp you for your plane tickets, allow you to work from home, and not take this out of your PTO, you have no intention of doing them a solid. If you don't make it clear that your manager screwed her over by way of his actions, then all
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  • 23
    Font - Puzzleheaded Cash3125 OP. 6 hr. ago True, and I probably will mention this in my eventual exit interview, but while I'm still working here I'll just keep it to myself (well... myself and this subreddit I guess) because this is rather petty of me IMO, and I still depend on them as a reference. 쇼 Vote Reply Share
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  • 24
    Font - screamingcatfish . 5 hr. ago So sorry for your dad's diagnosis. Spouse had it and was gone within 6 months of the diagnosis. Best wishes for you and your family! Reply Share Vote ●●● PuzzleheadedCash3125 OP 5 hr. ago FO dude. I guess we've been lucky, it's been just over a year (almost 1.5 years) since his diagnosis and other than some not-great-but-not-terrible side effects from chemo, he seems to be doing better than Drs expected. But a spouse... damn. I'm sorry to hear that. Hope you'r
    via u/PuzzleheadedCash3125

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workplace-stories employment-discussion workplace-story malicious compliance malicious-compliance-reddit employer workplace
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